talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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