I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
