My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
