i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
