i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dicks are not precious.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
