Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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