I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
