i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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