I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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