I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
