I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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