Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
