Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
are you so shy because you have an std?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
