She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's blow job season.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
