it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
