I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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