If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
