I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
