i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Girls should come with a carfax report
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
