Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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