Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
