I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
