at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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