what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
