What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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