I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
