Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
