sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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