No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
