so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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