watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
