We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
