I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
