this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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