I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
