If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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