We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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