Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
