You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
last night I used snow as a chaser
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
