Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
