Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
