Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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