We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
