Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
