i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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