I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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