You just made me feel so damn special
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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