How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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