just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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