Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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