You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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