we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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