You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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