I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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