Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
