I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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