I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
