This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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