very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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