i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
