This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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