He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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