Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
