the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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