respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
