In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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