her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
