If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
