Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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