forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize