i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
