I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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