My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
