I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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