I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
