He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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