my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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